Steel Scars
by Dunmore Wolfgang
Summary: A simple accident, left him scarred and traumatized. Metal in his bones and a mind left to hurt and hate. He refuses to socialize and keeps himself closed away. But when he gets to this school, Yamaku High, he could change, or keep everything out.
1. Chapter 1

Steel Scars

Chapter 1: Scarred and pained

-llll-

Kizuato Kinzoku, that's my name, dose it mean much? It means scarred metal, kind of ironic for what happened to me. Car accident, lucky to have survived it, but not my father or my mother, died when they got to the hospital. After many moths in the hospital, physical therapy, and psychological therapy, I was sent to live with my Grandparents. They lived in the city near a school called Yamaku High. Well, I should say what's wrong with me, simple, some metal in my bones and scars covering my body.

I don't hide them, I just let them show, no need to hide what's obvious. Some people just stare, but its best to ignore them, but then some speak. You can't ignore them so easily, it get's to you. I've been learning to control my anger issues, but it's hard, It possible, but difficult.

I kept my hair short, almost a high and tight, like those U.S. Marines, always had an interest in them, how they fought and such, the history. Well, being a big history lover, it worked. My blue-reddish eyes were different, unique. I was only six feet tall and always kept a military posture to my step; my dad was in the military so it rubbed off on me.

I just walked through town, on my way up to Yamaku, I saw a few stores I should remember, a few not to bother with. But I just walked up the hill; the day was still early, only seven in the morning. As I got to the gates, I just shook my head, I felt like I didn't belong.

As I walked into the school I looked around to see the red buildings and the green grass and trees. A peaceful atmosphere, to help with the feeling of depression I guess. I absolutely hated it, too nice, and too peaceful. Why not just let people realize that their messed up, why try and make them feel fine, if you're here, then that's because someone deemed you too much trouble to be put in a normal school.

I was told to see the nurse before I went to my class; I went there and went inside. As I got to the door, a girl with prosthetic limbs ran past me. The nurse called me in as if he knew I was standing nearby.

He looked at me and smiled. "Well then, you must be...um...who are you?" He looked through a few folders, trying to find the correct one.

I shook my head in disappointment and a scoffed. "You know, for a head nurse, you should really be more organized. Its Kizauto Kinzoku, it should be some where in that mess on your desk." I was already annoyed, wonderful, today was going to be great.

He pulled out the folder and glared at me. "There's that anger issue that I read about that, not as bad as they said. So, metal bones, scars, trauma, that's a mixture. Well then, I hope you can keep a hold of that anger; we don't want you to get in trouble for it. So, make sure to exercise every now and then."

I looked to the floor. "Sorry, it's been a lot recently. You know how it is, I apologize, I'm getting better with it, but it still has bumps here and there. Yeah, I'll just head off to class, see you at another day." I went to leave but the nurse put his hand on my shoulder.

"Don't worry, you'll be fine, trust me. I've dealt with stuff like this before, now go to your dorm, class begins in an hour." His smile some how gave me a feeling of reinsurance.

I went towards the dorms, room one-one-seven was my room. Apparently room one-one-nine was getting a new owner today. Two new people in one day, how wonderful, should be fun.

I tossed my two large duffel bags on the floor next to my bed. I just got everything out and set it up: my laptop, Ihome for my Ipod, a few books, PC games, clothes, shoes, and other essentials.

I went to lie down on my bed till I heard a knock on the door. "Who is it? What do you want?" I waited for a response, then more knocking. I got up and opened the door. "What in the seven hells do you want?" I saw a girl with short blue hair and glasses and a girl with pink hair and very bubbly attitude. Both in the school uniform. "Okay, what do you two girls want, trying to get a quick break before class, so if you don't mind, I would like to say goodbye." Before I could close the door, the girl with the pink hair blocked it with her foot. Now I was getting annoyed. "What the hell, come on, really? Just leave me alone, okay?" I looked at the two and sighed in defeat. "Okay, what is it that you need so badly?"

The pink haired girl smiled broadly. "Well, Shizune here wanted to greet our new student. Now, my names Misha, if you can't tell right now, I'm using sigh language because Shizune is deaf. But, this matters not! I am her translator!"

I looked to see her moving her hand in ways while she spoke. I then looked to Shizune to see her looking to Misha to translate. Let's just say Shizune looked a bit pissed off, maybe due to my attitude a moment ago.

I shrugged. "Sure, what ever, hello, names Kizuato, just call me Kizu. Is that all, or are you going to tie me to a chair?" I raised an eyebrow and looked at them lazily.

Misha sighed and shook her head. "Yes, that's all grumpy. See you in class. Be less of a grump when you get there!" With that, the two left. I closed the door, and went back to my business.

An hour passed and I got ready for class. I got there and knock on the door; I was a few minutes late, oh well. The teacher motioned to the door and everyone started to talk with one another. He came outside the room and looked at me; he took out a small book and looked through it. "Ah, Kizuato Kinzoku, welcome to class. We just started, my name is Mutou. Hope this will be a productive year, come on, let's get you introduced." He opened the door and ushered me in. "Well, not too late, we have our first new student this week. Go on, say hello." He sat down and gave the stage to me.

I looked over the class, not really obvious what issues some of them had, one was missing a hand. Others not so obvious, but one girl in the back caught my eye, She seemed to be covering the right side of her face, I could see the scaring of burn marks. Well, everyone has their scars, some show more then others.

I cleared my throat. "Hello, my Name is Kizuato Kinzoku." My voice had a tone of empty enthusiasm. "I like not to be bothered too much, and I love history, and I love real time strategy games. That's about it, what you see and hear is what you get." I dropped my sight to the floor.

Mutou pointed to the desk next to the girl in the back. "You can sit there, next to Hanako. She's shy, maybe you can help her with that some how."

I chuckled lightly. "Doubtful Sir, I don't like to socialize." I went over and sat at my desk. I took out my notebook and pencil and got to work till lunch came around. I just sat there; I already had a boxed lunch. I ate it quickly and began to read a book, it was a good one. Starship Troopers, By: Robert A. Heinlein. I enjoyed the book, fifth time reading it, but it's great every time.

I looked over to the girl next to me; she was just looking at the book on her desk, sometimes looking to the door. As if she was waiting for the day to finish so she could run off and hide.

I set a bookmark and set my book on my desk. "Hey, you can't read the book if you don't open it up. See what adventure awaits you, what quests or story of a historical figure, or a story of a drama, or a comedy." The reaction I got was a simple 'Eep' and she began to shake. "Uh...sorry about that, if I scared you, I must apologize. I'm just trying to be more social. Was told it would help me with my issues or some crap like that. I'll just leave you alone sorry..." I went back to my book and waited for class to start again. As it did, I got back to my work, the day finished up and I sat there. Not really knowing what to do. I noticed the girl next to me was fidgeting in her chair.

"Are you okay? Sorry if I'm bothering you, I'm just worried about a fellow classmate." I stood up from my desk and grabbed my bag.

She attempted to look at me, but just went back to look at the door. I stood there, wondering. "Waiting for a friend? Well, I have a quick question, is there a library in this place?"

She nodded her head. Not saying a single word. I just looked to the clock. "Well, your friend might be running a tad late, so, you can tell me what you and your friends were going to do or where they are, and I can help you out. Least I could for scaring you earlier." She slowly got up and slightly looked at me. The first thing I noticed was the scars.

She slowly and some what shakily went to the door, but as she got there, it opened to reveal a blonde girl with a cane to guide her, must be blind. I chuckled. "Well, it seems that your friend has arrived, am I right Hanako?"

Hanako nodded. The girl in front of her smiled. "Making some friends Hanako? That's wonderful, might I ask you name?"

I walked over to the door and slightly smiled. "Kizuato Kinzoku at your service, may I ask your name?"

The girl smiled and nodded. "Of course, I am Lilly Satou, a pleasure to meet you Kizuato."

I shook my head, but I knew she couldn't see me. "No need for formalities, I'm just another soul in this world with a few scars." My nonchalant tine seemed to bug Lilly.

But she still smiled. "Well then, as a class representative, though not of your class, is there anything you need to know. Someone told me of you, so I though best to introduce myself when able."

I looked to Hanako and Lilly. "Just where the library is, that's all."

Lilly nodded. "Well, it just so happens we where heading there just now, would you care to join us? I mean, a friend of Hanako is a friend of mine."

I sighed, a friend, really, why call me that? We just met. "Not really a friend, just a classmate, that's all. I don't really look to having any friends, distracts me from work and other...things..." I went to move past Lilly, but was stopped by her hand.

"Nonsense, everyone needs a friend or two. Come along, we should get there before the library closes." She turned and began to walk down the hall, with Hanako staying close to her. I fallowed behind them, I would just forget about them later, I don't want friends, simple as that, I have no wish to have any.

We made it to the library; I went my separate way, going towards the fiction, grabbing a few books. I went up to the counter; Lilly was standing there talking to...no one. Now before I could say she was insane, a lady popped up from behind the desk. Note, Lilly Satou is not insane; I'm just a quick judge.

The lady noticed my and waved me over. "Hello there, looking to get those books? Well, I guess you are, you have a few, and we're closing for the night soon, so it's kind of obvious that you are. I mean, I-" She was cut off by Lilly.

"Yuuko, calm down, this is a new student. He is-" I cut Lilly off and placed the books on the counter.

"I am Kizuato Kinzoku. Sorry to interrupt, but I must be going." Yuuko took the books and my student I.D. and got them under my name for a week.

Lilly turned to me with a confused look. "Are you trying to escape us Kizuato? It seems like you're trying to push anyone way that wishes to be your friend."

I took the books and put them in my bag with my I.D. "Well, I'm not looking to make friends at all, okay? Don't bother with me, I'm not important. Just another soul in this world with a few damned scars." I walked past her and held a scowl on my face as I left to my dorm room.

Someone was waiting outside my room, looked like another student. "Don't bother me, and we'll be fine, goodbye." I went into my room; I heard him mutter something but ignored it and just tossed my bag on the floor.

I collapsed on my bed and tears slowly streamed down my face. "No need for friends, I'll just loose them in the end. No one to love, ever." I managed to get out of my uniform and into a pair of shorts and then went to lie on my bed, laying there till sleep overtook me.

I had no need for friends, just people who I know. I have no need for love, just hearts to brake. I shouldn't talk to anyone tomorrow, I should just stay silent. Leave before anyone notices me, just slip into the shadows where I fit in, closed out.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Thoughts, actions, and words.

-lll-

As soon as class ended, I went straight to my room. I just wanted to get away from everyone, no words to say, no thoughts to share. I need no friends; I had no need to have 'friends' or 'love,' two useless things.

I made my best attempt to stay inside my room for the rest of the day, but I decided to grab a sketch pad and a set of artistic pencils and some erasers, and head to back of the school.

I sat at a bench, just sketching away, drawing up the area in front of me with great detail. I found this skill while in the hospital. When ever I got bored of winning a game on my laptop, I just put it away and drew what came to me, what I saw, and even a nurse or doctor asked to have a portrait done. I would agree to do one, and I always got a 'thanks' or a smile. But that was just to pass the time, never a real thing.

As I sat there, focused on the picture, I had not noticed the person that sat next to me. When I did, I saw it was the lady from the library. "What do you want Ma'am?"

She just gave a small laugh. "No need to call me that, just Yuuko is fine. I'm not old enough to be called 'Ma'am.' Now, what are you doing out here Kizuato? I never see many students out here this late, is something the matter?" 

I closed my sketch pad and put the pencils away. "Nothing is wrong; I have things I must take care of. Good day Yuuko." I got up and started to walk away before stopping and looking back to Yuuko. "I am sorry; I cannot become friends or close at all with anyone, too risky. I am sorry." With that, I turned back and left.

I went back to my room and finished off what school work I had left. There was this festival coming up, but, what was the point? Too many people to know, too many chances to become close with someone, to know them, so, I will just skip it to the best of my ability. Maybe go into town for that day, there was a restaurant in town, I for got its name, but I will recognize it once I see it.

I got my work done, and I went to bed for the night. I just had your typical dreams, you know, like the ones of death and such. Those are normal, right? But never the less, I woke up the next day to my alarm, the Ihome playing melodic tune of a harp and bagpipes. I've always been partial to the northern European music, such as Scotland or Ireland. Some of the melodies bring a sad tone to remind one, some will bring one up in a cheer up pleasant notes. But these notes, these drowning sounds, bringing my mind back to the dark, away from the light that it deeply wanted.

I put my uniform on, grabbed my bag, and then left for class. On my way there, I ran into a girl, she had blonde hair with a tint of pink to it. Both of her legs were made of prosthetics. She was running from the track, obviously from training. Oh, by ran into, I mean, she _ran into _me. Knocking me to the ground by surprise and she just bounced to the ground, rubbing her forehead.

I got up quickly and held out my hand to her. "Do you need help up, or do you wish to sit there all day?"

She grabbed my hand and I helped her up. "Sorry about that!" She quickly apologized and looked me over. "Are you okay? I mean, you took a nasty fall there and it was my fault!" 

I shook my head and turned away. "I am fine, you should head to the nurse, and I will be off to-" I was cut off by a rising pain in my chest, a faint heat, as if something was struck. "I...Damn, they said any pain would be bad but, aghe..." I gritted my teeth as the pain grew. I collapsed to my knees and held my self up with my hands. "Miss, I might be having some issues." My breath became harsh and ragged. "I think I might pass-" Then, I passed out.

I heard the girl slightly yell out in panic before I lost all my senses. Had I finally died? No, most likely not, impossible, passed out? Yes, that's it, just a simple loss of breath, a simple quick touching with death its self maybe.

I felt some sort of slight warmth, a touch of silk? A bit of smell, lavender, no, the smell of medical air, that sterilization of the air around, a smell that burnt my nostrils, could force one awake, thus I awoke. I slowly opened my eyes slowly; I was lying in bed, white sheets, and this meant I was in a medical room of sorts.

I got up; I was still in my uniform. I got out of the bed; my chest was no longer in pain. But my body felt tired, as if it was in the same bed all day. I looked out the window to see the sun starting to dip down; I then looked at a clock. It was half past four. Class was over for the day.

I heard the door open and close to reveal the purple haired nurse from a few days ago. He had that grin on his face. "Ah, you're awake, now, take a seat, I have to make sure you're a-okay!"

I took a seat back on the bed; I looked to the nurse, waiting for the nurse to do his job. "So, hurry up so I can get back to my room and finish what work I have been left so I may have it done by tonight."

The nurse frowned. "Well, you're a grumpy one. Well, just a simple few medical things, aside from checking to see if that metal in you is intact."

I sat there as he did what he needed. "Alright, seems you're good to go, when Emi, the girl who ran into you, hit you. She must have hit you hard enough to hit you hard enough to knock the air right out of you. The metal in your ribs keep them from expanding back as fast as normal bones do. Not life threatening, just no _really _heavy hits from now on. So, you can go do what ever work you have. I can't keep you here, I feel like it will just make your situation worse some how. Get going Kinzoku, and be safe, I'll have Emi find you tomorrow and bring you to me. Oh, and have you been keeping up with those exercises your doctors had suggested? You know. Running and such."

I shrugged and shook my head. "Can't say I have, maybe I'll get up early and run a few laps. Was that what that Emi girl was doing? Am I to expect that she will be running there as well?" 

The nurse nodded. "Indeed, I will also have Hisao Nakai there, the other new student; you must have met him yesterday. So, both of you will be running there, and Emi will bring me reports on both of you. Have fun now."

With that concluded, I left the room and headed back to my dorm room, on the way there, I saw Lilly and Hanako returning to their dorms. Apparently, Lilly had noticed some one other then Hanako in the area. "Hello there, might I ask who that is?"

I look to the stone ground. "Just I, Kizuato, no one important, goodbye and I hope I never bother you again."

Lilly tapped her cane, and shook her head. "Having that kind of attitude won't get you anywhere Kizuato. Now, I heard that you were not in class today, would you mind if I asked why?" 

I sighed. "Had a run in with a girl named: Emi. Apparently, hitting me in the chest hard enough to knock the air out of me, with metal bones and such, my ribs did not expand back as fast as normal bones do, but only by a small fraction. But just enough to make me loose my breath long enough for me to pass out with a few words. Is that all, or am I being interrogated even further?" My snippy attitude was none too pleasing to anyone, especially to Lilly. 

Lilly simple nodded with a smile. "Well, I am glad you are okay. It would be terrible to see a new friend getting seriously injured and have to leave the next day."

I scoffed and gave a short laugh, which startled Hanako and she moved behind Lilly as I approached them both. "First, I don't want to be okay, I want to be dead. Second, I am not your friend, so do not assume as such. Third and final, never speak to me again. Thank you, but I must wish you two a good night. Goodbye for good." I walked past them, leaving the two standing there. Well, Lilly stood there while Hanako cowered behind her.

Lilly was now agitated. "Well then, I do hope you understand that you will never be able to have any friends going through life in such a way. So, we must also report your actions to the head nurse, for it is not healthy to act in such a way. Good night Kizuato Kinzoku." They left and went their own way, towards the head nurses office I suppose.

I just went back to my room and got to work on the things left at my door. I just kept to my own mind, keeping it to the work, to no other needless thoughts. Effective, but it would keep one from thinking of other things. Keeping one to their work and nothing else, nothing that would keep them from getting onto useless thought trains, one that has no need for such things make their best attempt to remove them from their mind, keeps them focused.

I finished my work, took a short shower, and went to bed. Simple as that, the next day was an off day, for the school to work on the coming festival. So I could have a day to go around town. I could grab some supplies, and some other things.

So, as such, I went into town the next day. I was not the only person to do such, I saw a few students on there, some I recognized. I saw Lilly and Hanako on the bus ride down to town.

I paid not much attention to them, so I just went into town and went about my business. I went into the stores I needed and bought what I needed. I was making my way back to the bus stop, but as I walked through town, I noticed a man in a hooded jacket, as stereotype as it may be, he was acting suspicious. As if he was looking for trouble.

I was across the street, watching this man; I looked down the street to see Lilly and Hanako. "This could get interesting, and possibly dangerous." I watched as the man removed something from his pocket, it was a blackish handle, he pressed something and a blade popped out. "Oh hell, what is this asshole up to?" I moved across the street behind the man, only about a few feet away.

As he approached Lilly and Hanako, I prepared to make a mad dash towards him. "Come on, do something stupid." I continued to watch from affair. The man had continued to approach them; Hanako had stopped walking as he noticed the man.

With Hanako holding onto Lilly's arm, she had stopped as well. The man had continued to approach them, knife held out. He stopped in front of them, waving the knife in front of them. "Alright you two pretty ones, just give me what cash you got, and I might not stab you. Just so you know, I'm a reasonable man, just work with me and no one has to die."

Lilly took a step back, keeping Hanako behind her. "I do hope you know what your doing is a crime. So forth, you will be arrested for such a thing." 

The man laughed; apparently he did not care for such a thing. Such a thing only made him laugh, this man was loose a few screws. I slowly made my approach from behind.

I set my bags down and approached him from behind. "You've made one mistake, you've left your back wide open, and a proper assault would keep their back covered in case of a counter from behind." I grabbed the man's right arm which had the knife in hand, bent it back at the elbow. I made him drop his weapon and I brought my foot to the back of his right knee.

I kicked it out from under him, causing him to collapse to the ground. "You have made the wrong move of making an attempt of assault and robbery in front of me. I would have you killed now, but I will let the police figure out what they want with you." I looked to Lilly and Hanako. "Could you call them? I have my hands full with this moron." 

Lilly nodded and pulled out her phone. She called the police and they were there in the minute. They took the man away and dealt with us after a few questions and a 'thanks' for my work on incapacitating the man.

I grabbed my bags and looked to Lilly and Hanako. "Sorry for the bother, I will be going now."

Before I could leave, I was held back by Lilly's gentle hand. "Kizuato, stay for one moment. We must talk."

I stayed, as much as I hated it. "What is it Lilly, are you going to question me again? If so, please just leave me alone." Despite Lilly retracting her hold, I still stayed, as if I _had _to stay.

Lilly looked around for a moment. "If you wish, there is a small restaurant nearby. I wish to talk to you about a few things, please Kizuato, can you just let us talk to you, as friends"

That word 'friends.' I had to think about this, a friend, possibility, but I cannot worry about that. But a friend or two would be good, no, maybe. I don't know anymore. Should I stay, or go...I don't know. I made the decision without even thinking. "Sure, let's go."

Lilly smiled and Hanako stayed behind her or closer to her as I fallowed her down the road to the restaurant, it was the one I saw before. It was the Shanghai.

When we entered, we were welcomed by a familiar face. It was Yuuko. Ah hell, last time I talked with her, it was short and unpleasant. Lilly greeted her with a smile and we were led to a table in the back.

We sat down and Yuuko took our orders, I just had a coffee and a slice of apple pie. I looked at Lilly while we waited. "So, what did you want to talk about?" My tone was as if I was in a rush.

Lilly smiled. "Well, today's encounter was a unique one; I was not expecting to see you so soon. Anyway, as what I wanted to talk about, I wanted to talk to you about, well, you."

I hesitated for a moment. "Yes, what do you want to talk about?"

She nodded and held her smile. "We wanted you to know that if anything that is matter, you have your friends to come to, and what would we be if not friends. Am I right?"

I nodded. "You are correct Lilly. I..." I took the thought of bolting out right now, leave them behind. Never to speak with them again, to close it all out once again, but I needed-no, I _had _to stay. I kept my seat as the food and drinks arrived. "I...I guess you wouldn't be friends then." I had never really smiled after the accident, but fake smiles, but a genuine one was creeping up. "So, ask away, and I shall answer. The same goes for you Hanako. If you have a question, I shall answer it as well."

Hanako just shrank back from the attention. I put my attention back to Lilly, awaiting her questions. "I have really only one or two real questions. Why do you push everyone away?" 

I sat there, thinking back, my memories arcing back to the day I had lost almost everything. "I...I always felt that if I got too close to someone, I would loose them. I never wanted to feel that pain again." Tears were tipping out of my eyes now. "I...I don't think I could handle it, that feeling of loss again. The pain, the regret, the guilt, and the loneliness, all of that kept me pinned to a single path of life, an empty one."

Lilly nodded and took a sip of her tea. "Okay, that ends today, you need not worry about being alone Kizuato. Not anymore, you have your friends, Hanako and I. Maybe more someday, but small steps, maybe we can work on that as we go, how about that?"

A smile, small, but it was there, my scars bended on my face as I did. "Well then, I would think that's a good start. Thank you Lilly, Hanako. Now, I believe we have some food that must be eaten before it becomes cold." We all agreed and got to work on our food.

I had my doubts of this, but maybe, just maybe, I good have a good life. One with less pain as before, one with friends, a theoretical family, and maybe a person to love, it is quite possible for that to happen. I mean, Hanako is attractive looking-Wait, stop, one step at a time, this is going to be difficult, but it shall be done, at an easy pace.


	3. Chapter 3

Steel Scars

Chapter 3: Thoughts of pain

-lll-

I had my ideas, my thoughts, and my plans. But for any to work, I would need a change, I've been alone, no, I made myself be alone for many years of my life, but what do I have now that could help me? I have my doubts of this, but the two people that could be 'friends.' They can help me, when I see them, speak with them, I feel my self open bit by bit, but when the silence falls, and it all closes up again, the pain arcs across my body, the loneliness. I look into a mirror to see the scars that cover me, the pain they cause me. I can feel the steal bones when I sleep, the aches they brought, never to be changed out, staying beneath the thick muscle.

I stood near the window of my room, looking out to see the blue sky opening up from the night, the clouds only a few hanging, the sun shining on the cobblestone, the brick, the grass, and the people. But it all feels so gray to me. So empty, just not really there, I don't get the sunlight, I let it slip away, sticking to the shadows. But, I feel warmth, what is this? It's my heart, warmth in my chest when I think of my friends, Lilly and Hanako, Hanako, the warmth increases. What is this? I must put it away, locked in a cage till I can decipher it, till it becomes more then a blur.

I gathered my books and my bag, got dresses and headed towards class. As I walked a thought brushed my mind. Why am I here? What's the point? I'm nothing but a broken part, cold bones, and a colder heart. So why am I here? Then there's that little voice, the one you hear at the back of your head. 'What about Lilly and Hanako? They are-' No, these thoughts, distract me, I am to be left, a heart empty and hollow thought, cold blood like the steel the bones are made of.

I got to class; I sat there, taking notes. I sat there, focused on one thing, but that voice yelled, wanting, no, demanding to be heard. Expelled to the dark cracks to never be heard again, it was the part of me that died, fell away. 'LOOK!' To what? What is there? 'To your right, one heart that can help you! LISTEN! LOOK!' To my right is just Hanako, how can she help me? I am nothing but a corpse. 'No, hear your own heart beat, the warm blood flowing, listen for others.'

I pushed these thought away, locked away the voice, deciding to leave it to rot away. The sound of that day ending, the bell. It al went by like a blur. How long was I distracted. I looked to my right, but Hanako had left, the teacher was busy with his own work, I got up and left. My mind escaped me for too long, lost to useless thoughts, bound to burn. But again, it yells. 'Go, quickly, that room! They will be there for you, just go, you may find peace. You know who, you know what, when, where, why, and how you fool!' Called a fool by your own self, how strange. I found my self in front of the door, I don't know how or when I got here, but I could hear movement, small.

Then I heard a voice, Lilly. "Come in, it's unlocked." Her voice soft and comforting to a hurt soul. Why? Do I open the door?

Too late, I was twisting the handle. I remember when Lilly told me of this place last we spoke. Said it was peaceful. The door slowly, I was hesitant to open it all the way, till someone pulled it open. It was Lilly, her closed eyes and that soft smile. Her gentle movements, she smiled, at me? Yes, it was I. She was speaking, "Kizuato, is that you?"

I hesitated. 'Speak you idiot!' Right, how, what to say? "Yes, I..." I looked past Lilly to see Hanako hiding behind her hair. Those black locks of hair, long and covering that face, scars are just a symbol, why hide them? I wear mine open, and even bleeding.

I turned my attention to Lilly again, she was still smiling, and it gave me warmth. "Right, please, come in. There are enough seats."

I couldn't stop, my feet were already in motion, and I was in. I had no real idea what I was doing, I was sitting. I could see, hear, but my mind was keeping me from responding. I was locked in, kept in place by some thought. 'Good, now just accept it.' What? What am I getting? I looked up to see Lilly offering me a cup of tea; I took it and...smiled. No a complete smile, but it tugged.

I took a sip and my mind cleared, the webs and fog was gone, I was able to think. I looked back to Lilly. "Thank you." Words, which I have not said very much, a foreign idea.

Lilly was still smiling. "Not a problem, you're always welcome to come by here."

Why? Why am I allowed? "Why?" Did I just ask, or did I think it, judging by Lilly's expression, I said it. My blue-red eyes giving a quick glance to my right, where Hanako sat.

Lilly gave a small laugh. "That is a silly question Kizauto; we're friends after all, unless I am mistaken?" 

Friends? Are we? 'Yes you idiot, now smile or look happy, or say something!' That voice. Was that to be my heart, trying to bring back the warmth, no, I cannot have it; I am nothing but a dead body. My heart beat is cold! 'NO!' No? I am alive then, or was I never dead or alive, but neither? What- 'Oh shut it already, say something to Lilly!'

I let a smile tug again. "Thank you Lilly, I appreciate it." She sat across from me, and was still holding that smile.

I looked to Hanako; I could see a small smile on her as well. Why are they smiling? I have lost my senses, am I funny? Or is this something happy? I felt Lilly's hand touch mine which was next to the cup, but she retracted as soon as she felt a fresh scar on the top of my hand, it was a cut to an old scar. I pulled my hand closer to my self and thought about running. Should I? No, I felt her hand on my other hand, the left.

I looked to her. She seemed worried. "Is everything okay?" 

Okay? No, I'm a scarred mess, I have metal bone. But that's not what she means. "I don't know, it...it all hurts." Why am I saying this?! "I feel lonely, I feel broken." Stop! Say no more you idiot! Why must I hurt myself!? WHY!? I could feel the tears on my eyes, one on my cheek. "The pain...reminds me that I live..." No...not the pain, it does nothing, it makes you forget.

I looked into the cup of tea. The liquid was dark, but calming. I could feel her hand move away, disgusted, and normal. I should go...I really-I stopped, I felt a pair of arms around me. Was she...hugging me? Not Lilly, it was...Hanako? Lilly was unaware of this, but Hanako knew my pain...the scars.

She pulled away and hid behind her hair again. I looked to her and smiled a _**real**_smile. "Thank you, I...needed that." The warmth, the life, was the cold gone? No, still there, but less, the darkness was being pulled away, the color coming back. I could see it all, just with a tinge of gray. Thoughts of pain still lingered, but the pain heals, and even the pained can be healed.

I looked to Lilly who was smiling again. She was also laughing. "Well then, I will not ask what just happened. But Hanako as you can see dose care for her friends, deeply; she just can't show it very well."

I nodded. "Indeed," I looked to Hanako. "Maybe if she showed her eyes some more, maybe even her beautiful face? Its not far to hide such a thing, be honest." I was smiling, and speaking as if all was normal. I am confused, am I allowed this? What was limiting me before? Thoughts of pain...indeed. I need to...they'll be back...no way in stopping them.

Lilly was laughing, and so was I...it was al changing...the thoughts, plans, ideas, actions, all of them turning to the light. The warmth filled me for now, but I knew it would be gone as soon as I left them. But, I would enjoy it while I could. So, the day just drags on, I enjoy what I can, while I can. Those thoughts of pain will return, but I know now, that I can lock those away, and let the warmth roam free, but the cold is still present, just like it is at the start of spring.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: They always return

-lll-

Those thoughts...grey and dark, the ones that I just want gone forever, but, no matter what, they always return. Even as I sit here, drinking tea in the Shanghai. Sitting here, with both of them, Lilly and Hanako, no matter what it hurts still. I try and block the pain, but it strikes hard.

I feel the steel of a blade of m skin, the dark and deep red of the blood that I cover. Even though it doesn't cut it, the dull blade still gives the scare. It still makes me see the fear, the pains that it should bring. But now, I feel the cup of tea, the warm liquid in my throat, soothing. But temporary, no matter what, they always return.

I walk with them, back to the school; I hear voices that don't belong to them. It's just other people. Not students, people from around, just civilians. But I hear laughter; I look to see their fingers and their snickers. I look to Hanako, she hides behind Lilly, and she asks me to tell her. "Its pain..." Is all I say, a tone wanting blood.

My skin furrowed, my eyes glared, my knuckles cracked. "It's their pain..." I see them, to fools, who know not what they find amusing. Our scars, our faults, our _problems_, our _**pain**_, and they laugh.

I walk towards one, he is wearing jeans, white shirt, has short black hair, blue eyes. He laughs, pointing to me, commenting on my scars, the ones that cover me. My normal expression of static, now rage.

I feel my fist connect, a jaw break, blood drip and flow. "Pain, is what you need..." I looked to the other one, "I say: run." He dose such, but his other friends yell for him to come back, saying I'm just another psycho. I can show them psycho...or 'STOP!' That voice, it has echoes...not that voice, her voice.

I look to the man to find his face bruised, bloodied, eyes fearful. I'm grasping his shirt, I let go and he runs. I look to my left fist, skin split, and blood covering it. It made me shake; I was that monster they taunted. I gave them what they wanted.

I was just a scarred breaker, a fighter, a maker. I gave my judgment, but now I fear it. I turned away, walked away, back to my room. My only safe haven, my only hold to forget, with a blade...

But, I couldn't. I was stopped, by hands, gentle, and blind. "Kizauto, what did you do?" What did I do? What did I do? That is a question; the answer was on my hands. She felt one hand and her expression turned worrisome.

I pulled away, digging my hands into my pockets. "It was what I gave, it was what I did. I made them feel it." I felt crumbling; I felt the grey world, the death that I longed for. One road, a car...a hit, and gone, but I couldn't. I was kept there by gentle hands. Why? Why help me?

I'm slipping though the cracks, falling into the black, but there are hands trying to keep me. I see only two pairs, more are just shadows. They can't let me go, they know I can't just go, they say 'no.' I answer, 'yes.'

I let Lilly and Hanako take me back, the nurse asked, they told. All of it, from start to finish, all the details, and all the pain, every single drop, down to the details of the strikes, the nurse just nodded and my hands were wrapped.

I was taken back to my room by them, made sure I made it alive. Not to run off and end it, part of me wanted to, but the larger part told me not to, the side that sees the color that my dark ideas cannot.

I sit there, my bed soft to my tough body. I can hear Lilly talk with Hanako, telling her to just wait for her back at her room, but she wouldn't leave. Why? I am a monster, a breaker. I can't deserve this, can I? I can? Who says so?

'I do, you.' I hear for that voice, but I just hear the little whisper of Lilly. 'You need them, just let them hold you in, you need to be helped. You cannot just run and die.' It's that voice again; it's the part that sees light. The angels to my daemons, the love to my hate, the picture is clear.

But the next thing I feel is a hand, soft, gentle, Lilly. It rests on my shoulder. "Kizauto, if you need us, just call us, I put our numbers on your phone. So please, if you need someone, just call. Okay?" I can feel her worry, it makes me feel sad, but assured.

I just sat there, no response. What do I do? Who am I to have their help? I am just another scarred person, what makes me so deserving. Why? Why?! Someone answer me! 'Stop, just look, and you will see.'

I see Lilly's worried expression. She is worried for me, but why? 'She cares, no, _they_ care. Can't you see that? Seriously, just make he not worry, do something. Let your pain go.'

I feel my eyes tear up, I feel my body shake, and I slide from the bed to the floor on my knees. I grasp my head, as if a spike is being driven through it. "Why?! Why do you help me?!" It hurts, it just all hurts. But then I get my answer, a pair of hand around me, not Lilly, but again, Hanako.

That is why...they care. But, what keeps them from leaving? The arms quickly go as they came. I feel cold, but my heart is still warm. I could hear Lilly stand up and kneel down next to me. "Are you alright? I know, a foolish question, but I need to know."

I slowly nod, "Yes...I'm...fine." But I was better, or, I could be. I can be, just let this pain go, try and feel something. "Thanks," for everything.

I slowly get back up and wipe my face off, I check my watch, and it was three-O'clock, Saturday. "Time still left in the day, anything that you both want to do?" A quick change of mood, strange, but it helps, keeps my steady, at least for a bit.

I hear Hanako mumble something. "Hanako, you must speak up, if you have an idea, let us hear it." I was calm; my mood was a different view entirely.

She whispered something about a bakery in town. "Well then, let's go." With that, we left, another day spent, and another thought stopped. I do have this happen, my mood will be different, and I'll go in and out of anger and calmness. But, I notice the calm stays longer, the anger fades faster.

But I know it will be back, all that pain, the thoughts, the hurt, the hate, and it will never really leave. They always return. No matter what I do, they always return. If I lock it away, it breaks out. If I send it off with the thoughts of my friends, it invades my life. They always return. But they do slow.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Feeling

-lll-

My mood shifts, constant like the wind. But, I feel calm, more so then ever. Those thoughts, the ones I wished gone, they had yet to arrive today. As if they were locked, blocked, and gone.

I let my mind think, they kept a place. Not the thoughts, but those two I trust, my...friends. Its a feeling though, my heart beats just one more then always, a smile grows onto my face, and my cheeks become warm when I think of her, the long black locks. It is interesting, what is this?

But, I exit my thoughts, I rediscover where I am. Sitting against a tree, with a book in hand, not a blade or pill, a new thing with my actions, and I find it better. But the book is a great one, The Hobbit, never finished it, or did I? Best to read it again, just to be safe.

But I left the book, sat it on my leg and looked to the sky. The sounds of the wind, the touch of the grass, I can even hear the light taps of plastic or something hard on stone. Then it goes away and I slip back into my thoughts, of a smile.

My friends, but those violet eyes appear, Hanako. She is just a bit more present in my thoughts then Lilly, why? Is there a reason? I feel my heart beat a little bit faster again as I think about her, but why? Dose she hold importance to me? If so, what is it and why, I must know.

But it's a feeling that I don't recognize, but I also remember her hands around me, light and shaking, but calming. I don't understand that, what is it? Is it a thought, a pause to my mind, a feeling?

Why do I feel my face warm at the thought? Wish there was a book for this, would explain in some sort of story. An idea that has no concept to me, maybe it was one I lost, and am now trying to find. My mind trying to push old over the scared new, I am not sure.

But I exit my thoughts again as I hear a sound of footsteps coming in my direction. I look to see Lilly and Hanako, the latter almost attached to the first as they walked. It's been a week since...well, I rather not indulge that thought.

So I stand, smile, and give a wave. "Hello there you two." Quaint, simple, very basic greeting.

I see Lilly smile as she hears me. "Hello there Kizauto, how are you today?"

I nod, I know she can't see, but I swear she some how knows. "I'm fine," I look to her left a bit. "Hey Hanako."

She hides a bit more behind Lilly, but I could see a small smile. "Hello..." Obviously shy as always, but, cute.

Wait, 'cute?' Where did that come from? I feel a bit of heat on my face. So I clear my throat. "Well, what are you two doing?" Worst question ever, really need better starters for conversations.

Lilly, smiling as always, nods. "Just out, what about you?"

I shrug, "Just reading The Hobbit, it's a good book, one of the best in my opinion."

Lilly starts walking and I take to following them. Lilly seems cheerful, but that smile is one of a plan, what is it? "It is a good day to sit and read, it is not?"

"Indeed it is." I walk beside Lilly, Hanako on the other side. We were all in semi-casual clothes. I wore gray cargos and a gray jacket, Lilly wore a brown shirt of sorts and a long tan skirt, and Hanako wore her uniform. Guess everyone has their preference.

I smile at Hanako, "so who's idea was it to talk a walk?"

Lilly softly laughed. "Surprisingly, it was Hanako. We were also hoping to find you as well."

Before I could speak, something hit me in the back, causing me to stagger forward. What ever hit me had fallen back onto the ground. I looked back to see that girl from before, the one that hit me before, what was her name. Well Lilly noticed, and looked a bit serious.

"Emi, how many times must I warn you?" Note, do not piss Lilly off, I doubt this is all she has.

Emi got back up with a small grin. "Sorry, won't happen again." She looked back. "Hisao, come on! You slow poke!" She ran back to help the guy that was lagging behind.

"Sorry, you know I can't run that fast." It was the other new guy, Hisao. He looks like crap to be honest.

The two went off towards the nurse's office. I looked to Lilly, she was smiling. "Dose this normally happen? Or is it with certain people, like, she plans it or something?"

Lilly gave a soft laugh. "It's normal, I tell her and so dose Ms. Hakamichi." Right, the really serious girl, Shizune I think.

I smiled a little. "Well, I'm sure it won't be over that easily. She'll keep doing it till she figures it out."

With agreement, we continued our walk. Lilly was the one to start a new conversation. "How have you been Kizauto? I mean since..."

I chuckled lightly. "Surprisingly fine, I don't really know why, but I'll take fine, unless you classify 'fine' as: freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional." That got a laugh, always dose. "What about you two?" I looked over to Hanako, who tried to hide behind her hair.

"We've been quite well, but not knowing why you feel fine is interesting to me, any ideas?" She 'looked' to me.

I shrugged. "Well, I have one, but I think that's just my mind giving reason without evidence, it sounds silly to be honest."

She let out another soft laugh. "You have friends Kizauto, that's a good reason, I'm glad we're here to help."

We continued our walk, unconsciously going to that small room that Lilly and Hanako go to. We sat down, Lilly served some tea, but she said she forgot something and left me and Hanako to go get what ever it was.

So we sat there in silence, so I decided to ask. "Hanako, why do you help me the way you do? I mean the hugging, why?"

She was taken by surprise, she 'eeped' in response and played with her hair. "W-well...I...I...J-just thought..." She started to shake. "I'm...I...I..."

I did this next thing without thinking, it took me by surprise. I hugged her, lightly. "Shhhh...It's alright, if you don't want to say, just don't. I'm fine wondering," I back away a bit. "Although, I might have some idea, though it may seem a little far fetched."

She jumped a little in surprise. "W-what?" A red blush covered her face.

I just laughed. "I'm joking, don't worry. I already have an idea," I sighed. "You do it because you care, simple."

She calmed down, even though she sunk into her seat. "T-thank you...I-"

I stopped her before she started again. "Hey, don't worry about it; I'm fine with a 'thank you.' Nothing else is needed, alright?" I sat back and finished off my tea, I was about to close my eyes till I spotted something. "Hmmm..."

I got up and went to what I say on the counter, a chess set. "Chess, you play Hanako?" I set it on the table and sat across from her. "I used to play a lot, love strategy games. So, you play?"

She nodded, and a small smile, interesting. "Y-yes, but...I-I don't think I'm that good at it."

I laughed. "Nonsense, I bet you could beat me a million times, come on, one game?"

She fidgeted a little before nodding. "Okay..."

I smiled and set the board. "I'll let you go first." After that, we played.

Now note this, never doubt Hanako's skill at chess. She beat me before I knew I was beat.

"How...how did you do that? Alright, one more game? I can win this." I reset the board and we played again.

One again, she won, and again once more. I couldn't win. I looked at her as she played, serious, but smiling. So I smiled as well, a few more defeats and she even gave a little quiet laugh.

Then that feeling came back as she looked at me right in the eyes, we both looked away quickly. That feeling, my heart beating and face hot. What is this feeling? Could it be? No...is that possible, just maybe, is that it? How interesting. A very interesting feeling indeed.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: A real smile.

-lll-

I like the end of the school day, it lets me think. Nothing about the pain, what I thing about makes me smile. But what makes me smile also surprises me. The person who it is, with her black hair, eyes like lilacs, and the shy smile she has. I'm not entirely sure why it's her, but the reason may be found if I ask, the best person would be Lilly.

So that's why I'm sitting in the small room with Lilly, having some tea. "I have a question, if you don't mind."

Lilly sets her cup down and nods. "What may this question be?"

I sigh and look out the window, noticing that smile already. "I am wondering why I smile, the reason to be more specific. It's not a 'funny' smile or an amused one, it feels warm, a real smile if you will. But, to the question, why is it when I think of Hanako that this smile, which even now, happens?" Now she's smiling and softly laughing. "What's so funny?"

"Oh dear, I didn't mean to offend, it's simply the predicament you're in." Still wish I knew what was going on.

"So, what is it? What is this feeling?" Back to the original question.

"I'm not the one to answer that, but I'll help you. A simple pointer, follow your heart, see where it leads you. Why do you think you smile when you think of our dear Hanako?" Answer a question with a question, thanks philosophy.

I looked to the window. "Why? I'm not sure; I don't even know where to start. But why my heart, surely this feeling has a logical reason. So, what is it?"

Lilly sighed. "Well, can you tell me how you feel when you think of Hanako?"

I was slightly taken back by such a question. "I...I do not understand."

"Simply tell me how you feel, do you become embarrassed, dose your heart beat rapidly, and your smile. Tell me what you feel." I had no idea what such things would do, but, better then nothing.

"Alright, as you know, I start with the smile. A real smile, I've explained that already. But, my heart dose beat faster, my face feels warm, she floods my thoughts, and I enjoy her company," I sighed. This felt pointless. "So, what is this?"

Lilly smiled as always. "What feeling can lead a person to smile, when they really like something, what's it called?" 

I raised an eyebrow. "Well, I'd consider that to be 'love.' I mean, I do love to read."

Lilly nodded. "There it is, that's what it is."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "What?'Love?' What's that got to do with this?"

Lilly's expression changed to a light annoyance. "You're making this more difficult then it should be." 

I sighed, again. "Well, it doesn't help that I have no idea what this is. What's 'love' got to do with anything?"

Lilly sipped her tea. "You enjoy the thought and presence of Hanako, correct?" I nodded. "Do you love that?" I nodded. "Just put it together Kizuato."

I sat back for a moment. Before things clicked. "I...I love Hanako?" Lilly smiled and nodded. "How...I mean...I don't...I..."

Lilly got up after she finished her tea. "Yes, you love Hanako, was that so hard?" 

I was still stumbling for thoughts, till they came back. "But I'm a mess, I mean, look at me. I've got anger issues, I've wished to die, what love do I have to offer? It wouldn't be fair, why punish-" I was cut off by Lilly tapping my head with her cane.

"Stop," She had a mix of worry and anger. "You just stop right there. You've been like that because you believed it, but you don't, not anymore. You have love, why do you come here, read, listen to music, and go to class? Because you love the feeling, you're not going to be punishing anyone, you'll be helping her."

I stopped there. 'Helping,' my heart for her, can I? "I... I can...or...no...I don't." I was more confused now, it hurts, how can I give what I have never had, or have failed to see.

I lowered my head. "Right, that's it then," Lilly stood silent. "I do have love, just misplaced it, and lost it to those pains. But now, since I have this," I gestured to the room. "It's here, right there for me to see."

Lilly smiled. "Yes, do you understand now?"

I nodded. "Yes," as I spoke, the door opened. "I love Hanako." I turned to the door, it was Hanako.

"I...I...I...I..." A furious blush formed. She swayed back and forth. "I...I have..."

I got up and slowly made my way to her.

She swayed forward and her eyes closed, I was close enough to catch her. "Oh boy..."

Lilly stood there. "What just happened?"

I sighed. "Hanako cam in as I said I loved her, not how I planned it. But, better sooner then later, right?"

Lilly softly laughed. "Oh dear, I guess so." 

I laughed a bit as I got her seated and looked at her with a smile, a real smile.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Opened hearts

-lll-

So, here we are now, another day after. A feeling revealed and emotions confused, no idea what to say, how to say, what to do, or how to do it. We've avoided one another, not a word to say to wither of them. I don't know why, I just think it would be best to fade out of this. Forget what I had and let it fall away, no longer in my hands, but in the air and gone.

The end of the day bell rung, my thoughts going on, before I could go, some one stood at my desk, it was Hanako, and she seemed distraught and saddened. "Sorry..." Was the only thing she said before leaving, I could barely hear her, it was a scared whisper. But I could see the tears starting as she turned to leave, the heart that was burned cried to clear but only to sting. It ran through my mind a million times, no reason to go after her, is there? Is it my fault that I can't have a life like others? I can fade away from the view, but what if I do. What then? Do I die without anyone knowing? No one would care or see, right? But, they might, would they? I don't know, the possibility is high and the reason clear.

It took a moment for my body to move, but, I started after her. She was around the corner. I quickened my pace; I had an idea of this path to where she is going. I guessed right, I hoped I was right. I saw her move past the doors into the library.

I went in and spotted her going to the far back. I slowed down, quieting my steps. I got there, saw her, I had hurt her. Balled up, arms wrapped around her knees, head tucked down, crying, and it was my fault and it hurt.

I took only a few steps towards her. "Hanako..."

She looked at me for a split moment and then tucked back her eyes to hope I was gone. "G-Go away...please..." Her voice, such hurt, it's what I caused. My absence left a pain in a heart that was already hurt.

I thought about going to her, but I didn't, might cause even more pain, no more pain, not for her, and not for anyone else. "Hanako, what's wrong?" My voice held flat but edged on emotion, a hurt sound of worry.

She continued her tears; it panged my heart to see this. "You lied...you don't..."

I was now lost, or was I? I lied? I don't...no. "What did I lie about?"

She looked at me again, I could now see anger. "You don't love me. Don't lie..." The evasion, made the truth a lie, and it hurt instead of helping. "Who would love me...I'm...just look at me!" She pulled back the hair covering the right side of her face to reveal the burn scars.

Her scars from the burns, they were purple, red, black, and blue. How could anyone hate her for the scars, why would anyone hater her?

"Look at these scars, I'm hideous. I'm just a burned girl every one pities and hates, and to say you love me..."She dropped her head again. "It hurts..."

I moved closer and crouched down; I put my hand on the scars, feeling the skin. "No, these scars, to me, are beautiful. You are beautiful. I love you. I avoided you and Lilly because I felt too close, but, I was wrong, and now I hurt the one I love."

Hanako looked at me, her tears had ceased. Now a light blush on her face. "I...I..."

I sighed. "I'm sorry Hanako. I was scared. But, feel my scars," I took her left hand and let it feel the long scars on the left side of my face. "I have scars as well. Just like you, not of fire, but of the same caliber. But, I don't hide mine. Neither are you, I find who you are as beautiful. I don't see the scared burned girl you say you are, I see you as Hanako."

Hanako started to cry again, not from sadness, but joy. "T-thank you..."

I leaned closer and wrapped my arms around her, rubbing her back. "I love you, and that's not a lie. I don't say it to make pity, I say it because I honestly love you Hanako. I'm not showing pity, I'm showing how I feel." I moved back till we were face to face. "Don't think anything else, understood?"

She smiled and wiped her tears. "R-Right..."

I got up and held my hand out for her. She took it and I helped her, pulling her close for a quick kiss on her right cheek. "Come on." I was smiling; she was too, but with a bit of a blush. "Lilly's probably wondering where you are."

She nodded and stayed close to me as we walked to the little room, hand clasped together.

I opened the door for her and let Hanako enter first. I saw Lilly calmly sitting. "Hey Lilly, sorry we're late."

Lilly turned her head in my direction. "Oh, Kizuato, is Hanako here?"

Hanako smiled. "Yes...I-I'm here."

Lilly let out a sigh and smiled. "You had me worried Hanako."

Hanako played with the end of her hair. "S-sorry...I was...w-with K-kizuato..."

Lilly looked to me. "So, what were you two doing? And why have you been avoiding us?" I could see a mischievous grin, never thought I'd see Lilly do that.

I blushed and rubbed the back of my neck. "I-I...well..." I let out a sigh. "I'll tell you over some tea." I went over to the tea and made some, and thus we talked. Lilly was happy, Hanako was doing her best to not faint from embarrassment, and I was just telling the story. Feels good to be with the people I love, especially with the one I care the most about. This is what an opened heart feels like, no longer scared to share and love. I think I'll keep to it.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Lonesome no longer.

-lll-

The days went by, but mostly a blur really. What I've said and done, how I expressed my hearts thought. The feeling for Hanako, the love that I felt made everyday feel worth it. I used to just feel empty, at the end of the day and before the night I would cry. I would cry due to the pain of a lonesome soul. But, now how things are, its better, and I want it to stay as such.

So, I sat in class, eager to go when the bell rung. Mutou, the teacher, stopped his lesson on a chapter end point and turned from the board to us. "There will be no class tomorrow and the rest of the day due to the work for the festival." The bell rung. "Enjoy some time off every one. Oh, Hisao, come talk to me before you leave." I looked to the brown haired boy being teased my Misha and Shizune.

Well, I have my own things to do. I got up and grabbed my bag and looked to Hanako. "Lilly said she'd be busy with her festival duties. So...I had an idea of what we could d-do today." Wow, now I'm the nervous one, guess one of the things love dose to you.

Hanako looked up at me, a blush faint on her cheeks. "O-oh...uh...wh-what d-did you have in mind?"

I rubbed the back of my neck. "I-I was just thinking we could head into town maybe? I mean, there's a place called the Shanghai or something, thought we could go there..."

Hanako got up and gave me a shy smile. "T-That w-ould be nice..." She twiddled with her fingers and looked away. "I-I just wish Lilly could come..."

"O-oh! I mean, if you rather go with her, I mean, I'm fine with that. I should of thought about our friend. Yeah, we can go some other time." I put my hands in my pockets and sighed.

Hanako looked at me in surprise. "N-no, I d-didn't mean it like t-that. I was just saying I w-wished she could come...I'm sorry..." She cast her eyes down, thinking it was her fault.

"W-wait, no, that was my fault. I've j-just never d-done this...you know...ask someone out on a date and-" I stopped my self as I realized what I said...Wait, aren't we going out or something...it shouldn't be strange, right? To ask the girl you love out, right?

Hanako looked at me, upon hearing what I said; her face was flush with red. "A-a d-date?"

I sighed. "Y-yeah..." Now my face was warm. Why is this so strange? I mean...it shouldn't be, right?

I saw a smile, even small, form on her lips. "Th-thank you. Wh-when do we go?"

"Uh..." Wait, what? I don't know...is this how it's done? I've never done this, I've been lonely my entire life. I don't know how to do this, I don't know, what do I do?

I was panicking, my heart sped up and my vision became a blur. "I-I..." I don't know what to do! I need to breath...I need to breath. I took a deep breath, count to four, and exhale. Calm my self, just remain calm.

Apparently what was happening worried Hanako. "K-Kizuato? A-are you o-okay?"

I collected my self, calming my racing heart, my vision returning to normal. "I'm good." I sighed. "Any way," Divert from what happened. "Your question, uh...we could go now, I mean. Once we drop our stuff off at our rooms and maybe change out of our uniforms." I started making my way out of the room, Hanako following close behind me.

We walked down the hall. Hanako agreed with my statement and kept following me. "Hanako, don't you need to go to your room to change and such?"

She stopped as I spoke. "S-Sorry. I-I just hate walking alone." Understandable. She is a shy girl, and her stress over being alone can bring one to break down.

I smiled. "I'll walk with you then."

She looked at me in surprise and her blush increased. "T-T-T-thank you..." She shyly smiled and walked closer to me. So, we headed to the girls dorm. Now, normally, a guy would not be allowed into the girl's room. But, no one necessarily follows that rule. I mean, I've seen that Hisao guy and Emi together.

I followed Hanako to her room and she asked for me to wait outside, so I did. I stood there for a few moments before hearing the door open. She stepped out, still wearing her uniform. "You could have changed out of that."

She hides behind her hair. "I-I know...I just didn't...it...I..."

I placed my hand on her shoulder, surprising her a little. "Don't worry about it. Honestly, I think you look cute in your uniform."

Hanako stood a solid as a board and her face was complete flush with red. "C-c-c-c-cute? I-I-I..." Think I broke her, damn.

I smiled. "Yes. Cute. I'll give you more complement like that if you just stand there. I still need to drop my bag off at my room."

Hanako snapped out of the shock and opened her door again. "Y-you can pu-out it here..."

I shrugged. "Alright." One dose not look a gift horse in the mouth. Or, rather one dose not argue with a cute girl in such a situation. Yeah, the term 'cute' fits Hanako perfectly. I handed her my bag and she set it inside. I caught a glimpse into her room, it looked dark and bleak. "Thank you Hanako."

She smiled and nodded. "Y-you're w-welcome." I took her hand, which she gripped as if her life depended on it.

"Come on, we'll miss the bus down there if we wait here any longer." She walked closely to me as we held hands. A few girls in the dorm seeing us, and thus giggling and making gossip as any normal girl would. Come on, its high school and its girls, we all know they do that. But I feel that it's nothing harmful here.

We walked out to the front of the school and managed to get on the bus before it left. The ride down to town was quiet, but peaceful. I could feel Hanako holding onto my arm. Obviously nervous about this, I know she's been into town with Lilly, but it must be because it's a 'date' with me. Hell, even I'm nervous, my mind is ratting off all the most terrible scenarios and I was not likening that. So, I looked at Hanako as she looked out the window. My thoughts rested, and my mind was focused on her.

The bus stopped at the designated point and people got off. Many needed supplies, and others just enjoying the time off. Hanako and I walked down the road and to the Shanghai.

"Ever been here Hanako?" The sudden words took her by surprise.

"Y-yes...with Lilly." Not surprised there, those two are almost irrespirable.

"Mhm, indeed. Shall we?" I opened the door for her and we went in. We took a seat and a familiar face appeared. It was the library lady, Yuuko I think.

"H-hello there. What would you like?" She was obviously nervous.

"You're the lady from the library, right?"

She nodded quickly. "Y-yes. A-and your Lilly's friend? Oh, H-Hanako, how are you? Where's Lilly?"

Hanako smiled. She seemed comfortable talking with Yuuko. "I'm fine; s-she had things to take c-care of. I'm with Kizuato t-today...a d...d..."

I interrupted and whispered to Yuuko. "A date."

Yuuko smiled and now her nervousness dissipated. "Oh my. Well, then, let me get your orders."

I nodded. "I'll have tea and I think some pie. Surprise me on both."

Yuuko wrote that down and looked to Hanako who ordered the same. "Alright, it will be out shortly." She ran off to go process the order or what ever waitresses do, I know nothing of how a restaurant was run.

I looked to Hanako with a smile, she sat across from me, and she looked nervous. I got up and sat next to her. "There, much better." I looked at her with my smile and she smiled as well.

The food came and Yuuko left to take care of another customer. I had a slice of apple pie and a cup of simple green tea. Hanako had cherry and the same tea. I took a bite of my pie and it had to be some of the best pie I had ever tasted. "Hanako, you have to try this." I took a piece with my fork and look to her.

She tentatively took the fork and took the bite of pie. "T-that is g-good..." She hid behind her hair and smiled.

I grinned and stole a bit of her pie and took a bite. "Good, but not as good as my apple. I'd say apple pie is superior."

Hanako pointed her fork at me. "N-no, cherry is better." Mhm, confidence, keep this going and I may just peel that shyness away a bit.

"I'd have to disagree with you Hanako. Apple wins big time, hands down." I grinned as I twirled my fork in my hand. I took a sip of my tea. "This tea is also a good combination for it."

Hanako...laughed, well, it was more like a quiet and short laugh, but still a laugh. "Th-that I can agree w-with."

I smiled broadly in victory. "So I have won this and apple pie is better."

Hanako shook her head. "No. C-cherry is b-better. Not to s-sweet and n-not too tart."

I sighed. "Oh my dear Hanako, you continue this battle not knowing who you are up against. I'm what you might call an expert on this."

She laughed even more, and it was a cute and beautiful laugh, the best laugh I've ever heard. "Th-that's not e-even true."

I mocked my hurt. "You wound me," I brought my fork up. "You force my hand then." I darted my fork to her pie and take nice chunk from it and devour it. "Well then," I thought for a moment and dropped my shoulder. "It seems cherry pie is also great...it's a tie..."

Hanako continues to laugh. "S-so I've w-won?"

I smile and finishes off my tea. "I guess so." I noticed a pit of pie on her cheek. I took my finger and took it and ate it. "Mhm, cherry with a bit of Hanako." I laugh as Hanako blushes madly and looks away.

"Th-that's...I...oh..." Now she was extremely flustered.

We finished our food and drink and left after I paid. We headed back to the bus and took our seats. As soon as we sat down, Hanako rested her head on my shoulder and was out like a light. Now that's adorable. I can't believe I have these thoughts.

My mind used to be filled with sadness and pain. Just the thought of never feeling love or home, but I've found one, I found love. I won't let it go; I'll do what I have to do to keep it. As cliché as it may sound.

The bus stopped and Hanako was still asleep. I nudged her and she awoke, wit that we got off and I walked her to her dorm, the sun had set and the moon was now in the sky. We had spent longer then I thought in town.

We arrived at her dorm room and she turned to me before heading inside. "Th-thank y-you...I-I en-enjoyed that..." She was smiling and played with her hair.

I gently smiled and put my hand on her shoulder. "No," She looked at me in shook. "Thank you Hanako."

"Wh-what?"

"I no longer feel lonesome. So, I have so say 'thank you' in a special way." Before she could talk, I gave her a soft kiss. "Thank you, Hanako."

She shook and I could see tears in her eyes. 'Oh hell, what did I do? I just messed this up, no...why? Why did I do that?' Before I could think another thought, she tightly hugged me. "What?"

She looked at me. "Thank you..." She quickly let go and opened her door, she grabbed my bag and handed it to me. "Thank you Kizuato, for everything." She smiled, and her tears were not tears of sadness but joy. "She gave me a peck on the cheek before retreating to her room."Go-good night..." She closed her door, leaving me there, speechless. I could hear giggling from other girls watching us.

I sighed and made my way to my room. My heart still beating faster then I could ever think it could. What had just happened proved what I had said. I was lonesome no longer, and I would never let that go. I would not be lonesome again. And neither would Hanako. 


End file.
